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The best ever reality TV show quotes

By Domino's on 11-08-14 in

With¬†Made in Chelsea: New York¬†hitting our screens last night (and wasn’t it just¬†fabulous, dahling?), we started to get a little nostalgic about British reality TV shows and all of their brilliant moments over the years. Imagine what kind of world we’d be living in now without all the¬†Big Brother¬†gossip about Helen and Paul back in 2001, or without the uniting force of¬†Gogglebox¬†and the frantic tweets it inspires: it would be a sadder place indeed. So here are our favourite quotes from some choice reality TV shows, from the rude to the downright ridiculous.

Big Brother

1-Helen AdamsSource: Virgin Media

Helen Adams: ‘I love blinking, I do!’

In the classic reality TV show’s second series, we were offered an insight into the fascinating mind of Helen Adams, the Welsh hairdresser who had a knack for thinking aloud.

Nadia Ultimate BB.jpgSource: Unreality TV

Nadia Almada: ‘I’m so angry. I’m fuming. I’m fumigating!’

Portuguese transsexual Nadia had a penchant for loud screaming and wildly inappropriate comments, which freaked her fellow housemates out and entertained the nation. At one point, she was so darned angry that it would seem she risked emitting gaseous pesticides.

Made in Chelsea

3-Mark Francis gifSource: E4

Mark Francis Vandelli: ‘Darling, you just¬†cannot¬†give pashminas for Christmas. It’s just, no – not happening.’

Mark Francis is a strange and wonderful creature who, despite his unbelievable snobbery and incomprehensible expectations of social situations, has become something of a hit. Just don’t even¬†think¬†about cashmere scarves during the festive season. Just don’t.

4-Lucy WatsonSource: E4

Lucy Watson: ‘I just hate you and despise you.’

She doesn’t mince her words, that Lucy, and that’s why we love her. This particular gem was hurled at super meanie Victoria – and¬†Made in Chelsea¬†fans across the world stood up and applauded. Lucy’s the Regina George of SW3 who we love to hate. Or just love.

The Only Way is Essex

5-James ArgentSource: List

James ‘Arg’ Argent: ‘We’ll have this pizza and then I’ll make my move. You don’t want me to stay, do you?’

He’s not exactly a gent, but we’ve got to admire Arg’s priorities here. Pizza first, moves later.

6-Amy ChildsSource: ITV2

Amy Childs: ‘Do you know that Ireland is a different country to Wales?’

What we like about Amy is that she’s always trying to share information: beauty tips, philosophical nuggets of wisdom, geographical information – she’s on the case. And I think we’ve all learnt a little something here.

The Apprentice

7-Vinent DisneurSource: MSN UK

Vincent Disneur: ‘My positive approach and very good looks make me stand out from the crowd.’

Back in 2011, we were all treated to a bit of Vincent Disneur and his incredible modesty. He came out with some fantastic soundbites, but we feel this one really sums him up: humility personified.

8-Stuart BaggsSource: Live Journal

Stuart Baggs: ‘I’m not a one-trick pony. I’m not a 10-trick pony. I’ve got a field of ponies waiting to literally run towards this job.’

Well, this is obviously nothing more than a brilliant example of an Apprentice candidate getting flustered in front of Lord Sugar and talking nonsense about ponies. Have you got a field of ponies, Stuart? Really?


9-Rev KateSource: The Star

Rev Kate (watching Eurovision): ‘I‚Äôm so excited, I‚Äôm going to have a chocolate wafer.’

It all got a bit much for Rev Kate, the real-life Vicar of Dibley, during Eurovision. Understandable, obviously Рand what else are you going to have with a nice pot of tea, eh?

10-SandraSource: Zebigweb

Sandra (watching Bear Grylls): ‘Make that fire, babes, go on. Then you’ll be all right.’

We love Sandra’s familiar tone with Bear, like he’s there in the room with her and she’s known him all her life. Go on Bear, babes.

X Factor

11-Simon CowellSource: ITV

Simon Cowell: ‘You have the personality of a handle.’

The master of the put-down, Simon Cowell became the man that everyone loved to hate when the X Factor started back in 2004. He’s been very happily destroying dreams ever since.

12-Simon CowellSource: FOX

‘That song was like going to a zoo or something. I mean the noises were beyond anything I have ever, ever heard.’

So what have we missed? Any choice reality TV show snippets we should add in? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below and we’ll update the post!