Most tenuous rhyming words in music history

By Domino's on 18-08-14 in

There has been some unforgivable lyric-writing over the years – sometimes even managing to infiltrate the best moments in our favourite songs. These word offences are often overlooked because we all get a bit too excited by the cheesy tunes, heartfelt singing, powerful drum-bashing or squealy guitars. But, really, their writers ought to be put under a harsh spotlight and made to answer for their sins. And that’s what we’re here for! To coincide with Bad Poetry Day (yeah, that is a thing, actually), here are some of the most tenuous rhyming words in the history of music.

Michael Bolton: Love Is a Wonderful Thing

Michael! What an earth were you thinking?

The only thing a river knows,
Is runnin’ to the sea,
And every spring when a flower grows,
It happens naturally.

1-Michael BoltonSource: Quirk Books

Nickelback: Photograph

And you know what? The really sad part is that we’ll never know what the hell’s on Joey’s head. Sigh.

Look at this photograph,
Every time I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

3-Chad Kroeger 2Source: Tumblr

Oasis: She’s Electric

There are a lot to choose from in this one, but here’s a particularly good four-liner: two actual rhyming words, then ‘oven’, then ‘me’ (which, to be a bit fair, rhymes with ‘me’ earlier on). Good one, Gallaghers:

She’s got a cousin,
In fact she’s got ’bout a dozen,
She’s got one in the oven
But it’s nothing to do with me.

3-OasisSource: Giphy

Foreigner: Hot Blooded

We’re not sure this really counts as a rhyme. Regardless, it’s a really bad line. A line crime.

You don’t have to read my mind
To know what I have in mind.

5-ForeignerSource: Glide Magazine

Lily Allen: LDN

This is the sort of rhyme crime that you simply cannot survive. No amount of soulful warbling or predictable key changes is going to dampen these truly awful rhyming words:

There was a little old lady, who was walking down the road,
She was struggling with bags from Tesco.
There were people from the city having lunch in the park -
I believe that is called al fresco.

Actually, Lily’s gifted us a whole load of stinkers. Here’s another one from URL Badman:

5-Lily AllenSource: Tumblr

Neil Diamond: I Am… I Said

Oh, Neil. So full of classic tunes, but they fall apart in places under closer scrutiny. This particular crime has the audacity to place itself at the end of the chorus, in full sight. Taxi for one!

I am… I said
To no one there.
And no one heard at all – 
Not even the chair.

6-Neil DiamondSource: Gifsoup

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Snow

So, there’s a lot of talking about saying stuff, but we’re pretty sure nobody’s said anything. But we’re supposed to listen? Confused.

Hey, oh,
Listen what I say, oh,
I got your hey, oh,
Now listen what I say, oh.

7-RHCPSource: Tumblr

Rick Ross ft Drake: Made Men

And top points for stating the obvious go to these guys. They say two heads are better than one – clearly, they’re wrong:

One of my baddest women ever,
I call her Rihanna,
But that’s ’cause her name is Rihanna.

8-RihannaSource: Giphy

Des’ree: Life

It’s almost too easy. But it’s such a wince-inducing moment, we couldn’t leave it out. Most of the song is obviously informed by a rhyming dictionary, but this verse is particularly bad:

I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s a sight that I fear most.
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news.

9-Des'reeSource: Guardian

Steve Miller Band: Take The Money And Run

‘Facts is’ and ‘taxes’ shouldn’t be rhyming words. But somehow they are! Anyway, it’s all about how the words sound together – and, in this instance, they sound terrible.

Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas,
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is.
He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice,
He makes his livin’ off other people’s taxes.

10-Steve MillerSource: Classic Rock Festival

What have we missed? Which are your favourite tenuous rhyming words? Make sure you nominate them in the comments section below!